


Transparent

by menthaFoliage (MintChocolateLeaves), mourningDivinity (aceoftwos)



Series: Li'l Beast and Assorted Roleplay Scenarios [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Better Bro, Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Trans Character, Trans Dave Strider
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintChocolateLeaves/pseuds/menthaFoliage, https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceoftwos/pseuds/mourningDivinity
Summary: Derrick 'Bro' Strider has an addiction and does not understand his sibling or the kids he's raising and he's so fucking angry all the time, someone help him.
Relationships: D Strider/Reaux Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Derrick Strider/Ed Zahhak, Jake English/Dirk Strider
Series: Li'l Beast and Assorted Roleplay Scenarios [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907530
Kudos: 6





	1. Bro Gets Kicked Out

**Author's Note:**

> c: this is not edited and we do not apologize for that. mint and i rp a lot. uh. we could've turned this into actual story but lbr, that takes effort. so. here it is. also, some of this does branch off from other things we're working on (and working to upload) but i'll try to explain where i can!
> 
> m: I just thought the idea was kinda neat. Enjoy the fruits of hours of RP-ing. xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> c: we will eventually publish the work that this branches off of, but until then... if you have any questions about how all this got set up, we'd be happy to answer. ✨

congratulations. you have reached one of the few universes where bro isn't a complete fucking tool. well, he's still a tool, but less of a bad, villainous tool who needs to be x-d out of the narrative.

he's just... struggling a lot.

he's never been good at relating to others, isn't good socially. he doesn't understand the sibling who left him to raise her - his, fuck, remember to say the right pronouns, derrick, come on, how many times does he needs to remind himself to get it right - kids. who he also doesn't really relate to all that much.

the only issue here, is that derrick is so fucking angry all the time. and it's not really helped by his alcoholism and drug use. but not at them. no. not at the kids. at the world? maybe. at d? definitely. but not the kids. never the kids.

except.

dave comes out as trans and he just sees d in him, and no one ever explained it to him, derrick just wants to understand but d never explained, just left him with these two fucking kids he'd only fuck up in raising. and he can't help but be angry. so fucking angry that dave would choose something the same way d had, when it'd made d so fucking miserable, made him suicidal.

derrick never got violent until dirk left for college. every time his anger got too much following dave's coming out, resentment bubbling up, derrick would leave dave with dirk. he's old enough to look after him. after all. but with dirk gone, he can't just pick up and leave.

which means, more outbursts. which means dave looking at him, scared, like he doesn't understand and derrick. derrick doesn't understand either.

* * *

set up: dirk is home for the winter holidays, excited to hang out with his little brother again. and jake, jane, roxy. then dave jumps at accidental contact, dirk get suspicious, asks what's wrong. dave has given in and is showing him. 

* * *

> **dave:** fine

he unzips his hoodie and pulls it off, and... there's a bruise on his arm, very clearly hand shaped and adult sized.

dirk moves forward. looks at the bruise, eyes narrowing in on it.

> **dirk:** Did...
> 
> **dirk:** Did Bro do this to you?
> 
> **dave:** im fine
> 
> **dirk:** Dave.

dave pulls his hoodie back on and looks away.

> **dirk:** Did he hurt you?
> 
> **dave:** not on purpose

it sounds weak, even to his own ears. dirk’s expression shifts into sadness, slightly horrified.

> **dirk:** Has he done this any other times?
> 
> **dave:** ...
> 
> **dave:** not on purpose

he hunches in on himself. dirk is torn between pulling dave into a hug and never letting him go and finding their older brother so they can fucking beat him.

> **dirk:** He shouldn’t have done it. Whether it's on purpose or not.
> 
> **dave:** i know that

does dirk think dave doesn’t realize this whole situation is fucked up? he knows. but it happened and bro apologized and what the fuck else is he meant to do.

> **dirk:** I...

dirk's mind is reeling.

> **dirk:** Fuck.
> 
> **dirk:** Has he been doing this all along and I just never noticed?

fuck. _shit_. he wants bro fucking _gone_.

> **dave:** im handling it

he frowns.

> **dirk:** You're thirteen and hes an adult Dave.
> 
> **dirk:** How are you handling it?
> 
> **dave:** im fine

he’s insistent. and avoiding the question. dirk shakes his head. pauses.

> **dirk:** Was it... had he been drinking?

that's the only reason dirk could really fathom for him doing something like this. but then again... isn't that mostly the same as just asking if bro hit dave in general. because it's not like they've seen their brother sober in a long fucking time.

> **dave:** yeah

he shrugs. bro is always drinking. he doesn’t mention the recent addition of drugs to his routine because dirk didn’t ask about that, did he?

dirk blinks, angry at bro, furious but also confused. bro knows that kind of shit is wrong. he taught them that it was wrong. they're not supposed to hurt family - fuck the rest of the world, but family is family. that's what bro always taught and now he's doing this to dave?

> **dirk:** ...Where is he now, do you know?

dave shakes his head. he suspects bro is out getting his fix but again, doesn’t actually mention it. dirk sighs.

> **dirk:** Alright... We'll uh...
> 
> **dirk:** Figure this out okay?

which is going to begin with him demanding what the fuck is bro thinking.

> **dave:** figure out what dirk

his voice is flat—a higher pitched mirror of bro’s monotone—as he asks the question.

> **dirk:** Well I'm hardly going to let this happen again, Dave.
> 
> **dave:** how are you going to stop it
> 
> **dave:** you arent here dirk

he’s only saying that to prove a point. dirk pauses for a moment and then:

> **dirk:** Well I will be now.

as easy as that, he's decided he'll be coming home.

> **dave:** what?

this isn’t want he wanted.

> **dave:** no

dirk loves school, he can’t quit. he can’t come back. dirk looks at him, lips pressed together.

> **dirk:** I'm not going to let him hurt you Dave!
> 
> **dirk:** We'll figure it all out.
> 
> **dave:** you cant come back dirk
> 
> **dave:** you love school
> 
> **dirk:** I love you more, Dave.

he shrugs. and then, because it seems like dave will be more calmer if he just goes with this for now.

> **dirk:** And it's not like I can't go to school around here, you know?

he doesn't know if he'll necessarily actually be able to if he kicks bro out but... it's an idea that could calm dave down long enough to actually let him figure all this shit out. dave calms down a little.

> **dave:** dirk im fine
> 
> **dave:** you dont have to
> 
> **dirk:** I know I don't have to Dave.
> 
> **dirk:** But I want to.

dave hesitates. he can’t exactly argue with that. dirk reaches forward, pulls dave into a one armed hug.

> **dirk:** Fuck, I'm so angry at him.
> 
> **dirk:** We'll figure this all out.

shit. dave jumps a bit at the sudden contact before hugging him back, arms tight around dirk.

* * *

later, they hear the door open and shut. the tell-tale signs bro returning from wherever the fuck he'd gone to. dirk looks at dave and nods his head slightly.

> **dirk:** ...I'm gonna go talk to him.

he walks to the stairs, heading down. dave nervously follows dirk down the stairs. dirk walks into the living and stops. waits for bro to walk in.

bro heads in after a few minutes. drunk, high. he... feels a little like the calm before a storm and he both likes the feeling and doesn't. likes it because this is as close to fucking calm as he gets these days and hates it because he knows that it's not going to last and all that frustration and anger is just going to rise back up again.

dirk blinks and realizes. bro isn’t just drunk. there’s dried blood around his nose. either he’s been in a fight recently or... dirk is a college kid. he knows the signs. bro blinks, looks at dirk.

> **bro:** Oh, welcome back kid.
> 
> **bro:** Forgot you were back today.

of course he did. sobriety isn't really his thing.

> **dirk:** ...
> 
> **dirk:** You saw me earlier.

bro blinks, leans against the door a little, as he considers.

> **bro:** Did I...?

fuck if he remembers.

> **bro:** Huh.
> 
> **bro:** Shit. Sorry kid, didn't mean to forget about it or anything.
> 
> **dirk:** Yeah, that’s not all you forgot about.

his voice is hard. bro blinks, a little confused.

> **bro:** What?

he doesn't sound confused. he doesn't, after all, tend to talk outside of his monotone. the only person who can really hear through the monotone to the emotions behind it is d. and d hasn't been here in a long fucking time. dirk points to dave.

> **bro:** What about Dave?
> 
> **dirk:** You’re supposed to look after him.

bro frowns.

> **bro:** I am looking after him, what the fuck kid?

dirk walks over to dave and unzips his hoodie.

> **dave:** dirk—
> 
> **dirk:** Shut up, Dave.

he pulls the sleeve away to show the dark bruise.

> **dirk:** Sorry, but this really doesn’t fucking look like you’re taking care of him.

he looks furious. bro pauses, feels a small flash of guilt run through him. he lifts his hands up, pinching his nose, rubbing away the blood there.

> **bro:** Oh that.
> 
> **bro:** I apologised to Dave for that's it's... not okay but it's sorted.

it won't happen again, as long as dirk's back at least.

> **dirk:** That’s what he keeps fucking saying but it should never have happened in the fucking first place!

his voice is raised. dave winces. bro shrugs.

> **bro:** It's not going to happen again, I don't get what the issue is.
> 
> **bro:** It happened, I apologised. Dave said he accepted it, so what's the issue here?

he feels bad about it, of course he does, but it's hard to find it in him to care when he's this fucking out of it.

> **dirk:** He’s thirteen, that’s the fucking issue!
> 
> **bro:** And?

he rubs at his nose again. ugh, the kid's starting to ruin the high he's got right now, can't he just drop this? it's an issue that's been dealt with.

> **bro:** I said it wasn't going to happen again just drop it.
> 
> **dirk:** And how many times has it happened before?
> 
> **bro:** I don't...

he frowns. he doesn't know. but it's not... not a lot is it? at least. it wasn't frequent. isn't a routine. he thinks. fuck.

> **bro:** ...
> 
> **bro:** Shit, I don't remember all that stuff Dirk.
> 
> **dirk:** Of course not, because you’re drunk and...
> 
> **dirk:** Are you high?

he sounds incredulous. bro hasn't really made much of a point in lying to the kids in the past, hasn't ever really seen the point in it. it's lead to some awkward or cruel talks in the past, but he's never really viewed them as cruel or awkward.

> **bro:** I...

so he's not really going to start lying to them now. doesn't see the point in it.

> **bro:** Yeah.
> 
> **dirk:** ...
> 
> **dirk:** Get out.

he’s quiet. bro blinks, surprised.

> **bro:** What?
> 
> **dave:** dirk
> 
> **dirk:** No, just—get out of the fucking house and get your fucking act together, _Bro_.

the last word is a sneer. bro wants to argue that it's his fucking house. but he can already feel himself getting angry at the situation and he needs to get out anyway. he hesitates for a moment before shrugging. fine, whatever.

> **bro:** _Fine_.

he turns on his foot, and pretty much storms out. dirk sort of. deflates. sinks into a chair. that was terrifying and too fucking easy at the same time.

> **dave:** dirk?
> 
> **dirk:** Yeah?
> 
> **dave:** are you ok?

dirk looks up and dave is standing there with his hoodie half pulled off, bruise dark against his skin, looking scared and worried. dirk nods. he’s. yeah.

bro heads out, and... doesn't really track the next few hours. it's not until pretty fucking late that he realises what's happened. he bites the inside of his cheek. shit. it's late, but he needs d. fuck. he grabs his phone. presses d's contact details. he's not phoned in a long fucking time, but right now bro really needs his fucking brother. he presses call.

d is currently tearing his hair out over the latest round of script editing so reaux picks up the phone.

> **reaux:** Hello?

bro leans against the wall - he's outside, drunk and high and he knows it's probably cold but he's not feeling it.

> **bro:** I... No not you, I wanted my twin.
> 
> **bro:** Why're you answering his phone?

reaux sighs. great. it’s derrick.

> **reaux:** Hold on a moment.

she pulls the phone away from her ear.

> **reaux:** Dear?
> 
> **d:** yeah?
> 
> **reaux:** Phone is for you.
> 
> **d:** can it wait?
> 
> **reaux:** It’s Derrick.

there’s silence for a moment and then there’s the sound of the chair creaking and approaching footsteps.

> **d:** here

reaux hands over the phone.

> **d:** derrick?

his voice is soft, sort of... wary. weary.

> **derrick:** I...

he sags against the wall at the sound of d's voice, closes his eyes slightly.

> **derrick:** D.
> 
> **derrick:** I... I need you to come back and look after your kids for a few weeks.

beneath the monotone there's anger at d, but also... a little fear. of what'll happen if he's stuck with those kids without getting help. what he'll do to them.

> **d:** what happened?

he’s already heading for his room to put together a bag so he can go. and. jesus. dirk is probably in college already—he meant to be back before this or at least check in with them, see them. derrick pauses. his voice comes out a little small.

> **derrick:** ...I...
> 
> **derrick:** ...I. Dave, I hurt him, I didn't mean to but.
> 
> **derrick:** D... I need you to come back. I think I need to... go to rehab before I completely fuck those kids up.

d stops. his brain skips right over the ‘hurt’ bit. and the rehab bit. and. jesus fucking christ how much has he missed?

> **d:** dave?

who the fuck is that meant to be?

> **d:** who?
> 
> **d:** did you adopt more kids while i wasnt looking?

derrick swears.

> **derrick:** Fuck. Uh. No, it's Lizzie.
> 
> **derrick:** But she's not Lizzie anymore, he's Dave. And if you call him Lizzie I'm going to just... lose it.
> 
> **derrick:** I don't really... get it but.
> 
> **derrick:** He's Dave, and it makes him happy if you call him that instead of Lizzie, and call him by male pronouns so.

he pauses.

> **derrick:** You'd probably do good giving him like, a talk or some shit about that because I don't know.
> 
> **d:** oh

one of his kids is trans. and d wasn’t there. fuck.

> **d:** sorry
> 
> **d:** you said something about hurting him..?

derrick closes his eyes slightly.

> **derrick:** I... didn't mean to.

he pauses.

> **derrick:** I get so angry and then I need to leave and if he's... If he's in the way I need to get him to move so I can get out before I do things I regret.
> 
> **derrick:** And I... hurt him while trying to get him out of the way so I... won't hurt him?

he closes his eyes.

> **derrick:** That's not me, I... It's like I have no control because of... everything and then I...
> 
> **derrick:** D, I'm sorry.
> 
> **d:** calm down
> 
> **d:** well figure this out ok?

he shuts his eyes and stops. voice weak.

> **d:** im... im sorry lil bro
> 
> **d:** shouldnt have stayed gone so long
> 
> **derrick:** I...

he heaves out a long, unsteady breath.

> **derrick:** Yeah.
> 
> **derrick:** I need to... I need to go home and... look up rehab centres so I'll...
> 
> **derrick:** ...Are you coming back then?
> 
> **d:** ill be there as soon as i can

he’s concerned about the rehab thing but they can talk about that when d is actually there.

> **d:** promise
> 
> **derrick:** Okay.
> 
> **derrick:** ...
> 
> **derrick:** Thanks D.

he stands properly, trying to get his bearings.

> **d:** love you
> 
> **d:** be there soon
> 
> **derrick:** Love you too.

he hangs up, begins to head back home. he doesn't know how dirk's going to take him coming back but... but if he shows the phone call and tells him about rehab maybe the kid won't be... too angry.

dirk is on the couch, typing, working his way through applications and hesitating over college because he told dave he would transfer not quit and he has no idea what the fuck he’s going to do. then he hears the door.

derrick steps inside, closing the door behind him and, heads into the living room, where he'd left his own laptop. stumbles slightly by the door, because he's the asshole who's been squinting to see because shades make everything difficult to see this late at night.

> **derrick:** ...Fuck.

he spots dirk.

> **derrick:** You're still up.
> 
> **dirk:** Yeah. I’m still up.

his voice is flat, still furious.

> **dirk:** Thought I told you to get out.

derrick pauses, sighs.

> **derrick:** I'm gonna...
> 
> **derrick:** Stop all this.

he gestures at himself.

> **derrick:** The... library's closed and I needed my laptop to look up... rehab centres.

he closes his eyes slightly.

> **derrick:** Wanted to look now before I try to back out.
> 
> **dirk:** ...

he knows that dave loves bro. despite all this. so he nods and goes back to typing. because he has no room in his life for bro after this but dave does. he deserves a chance to be better for that, if nothing else.

derrick steps inside, heads over to his laptop and pulls it open. focuses on the laptop for a moment. he just sits quietly, waiting for it to load up, loading up different rehab centers, slowly freaking himself out by the concept. before pushing away slightly.

> **derrick:** ...I phoned D.
> 
> **derrick:** He's gonna come back and help with all this.

his voice is quiet. he's got complicated feelings for D, but he loves him so fucking much. and even at his angriest he trusts D.

> **dirk:** Great. Call the brother that abandoned us.

yeah, he’s fucking bitter.

> **derrick:** He deserves that.

he pauses.

> **derrick:** Don't be too hostile towards him though, he's coming because I...
> 
> **derrick:** I asked him to come help so...

he cringes slightly. he really fucking hates that he needs to ask for help. that he needs it.

> **dirk:** Whatever.

he really wishes bro would just shut the fuck up already. dirk doesn’t want to fucking talk to him. derrick looks at him for a moment longer, closes his eyes and then returns to looking at his laptop. pauses for a while longer before grabbing it and standing up.

> **derrick:** Gonna head up.

because he can't handle this fucking tension right now. nope.

> **dirk:** Don’t bother him.

if dave wants bro in his life, fine. dirk is damn well gonna make sure he’s sober beforehand.

> **derrick:** Wasn't going to.

he heads out, heading up the stairs to his room. probably only sleeps when he falls asleep at his laptop, still looking things up. crashing following the come down from his high.


	2. D Comes To Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> c: shit's gettin' done this chapter! also. uh. disclaimer. idk fuck all about transitioning. and it's an rp so i didn't exactly do research. if there's anything here that's like... blatantly incorrect then please feel free to correct me.
> 
> m: idk really what to comment rn so like. oof. if you wonder why this might switch between US and UK spellings, it's because this is what happens when a canadian and a brit rp together.

d taps derrick’s number and waits nervously as it rings. he’s in a cab on his way to the house from the airport. derrick grumbles slightly, woken up and answers his phone. sober now, and feeling fucking rough for it, he comes off a little sleepy and pissed off. why would someone try and wake him up that sucks.

> **derrick:** What is it?

his voice sounds kind of raw.

> **d** : uh
> 
> **d** : just... wanted to let you know im almost there?

he sounds hesitant. the tone was. unexpected. for a moment, derrick is confused. then he, remembers. oh shit, right. the conversation with d yesterday.

> **derrick:** ...D...?
> 
> **derrick:** Sorry.
> 
> **derrick:** I just... woke up. I didn't mean...

he's frustrated at himself now, but not at d. no more than usual.

> **derrick:** Okay. I'll get up.
> 
> **derrick:** Jeez what fucking time is it?
> 
> **d** : almost eleven
> 
> **derrick:** Oh shit really?

he pauses.

> **derrick:** Oh but I got in late so I guess that makes sense...
> 
> **d** : ill be there in about twenty minutes ok
> 
> **derrick:** Yeah okay.

that's plenty of time to get a shower and figure out a way to stop feeling like shit.

> **d** : see you soon
> 
> **derrick:** See you.

he hangs up, pushes up and. decides to get a shower. he doesn't want to look like a fucking mess when the successful twin comes around... no he isn't bitter about that. he showers, gets changed and proceeds to rummage around in his pocket for the little bag of cocaine he'd bought yesterday. alcohol will have to wait, it won't kick in quick enough, but coke? real fucking quick.

> **derrick:** Fuck yes.

he proceeds to set up the cocaine on his desk, snort a decent enough for a good enough high, before leaning back and rubbing his nose a little. he feels a trickling in his nose after a few minutes, lifts his hand up just in time for the first droplet of blood.

> **derrick:** Ugh.

d knocks on the door and waits, nervously clutching his dufflebag. he hasn’t seen in his kids or his twin in years and he’s kind of. edging into a panic attack.

> **dave** : yeah?

he’s at the door, looking bored.

> **d** : uh hi
> 
> **d** : is... derrick here?
> 
> **dave:** who?

derrick hears the door. and moves from upstairs. he moves kind of quickly down the stairs. still with a flannel pressed to his nose. the blood soaking through. the hand that's not bloody ruffles dave's hair slightly. he's back to calm, not cruel big bro right now.

> **derrick:** He means me.

he looks at d, fucking glad to see him. kind of excited. he supposes he'd be more excited if he didn't have the nosebleed but fuck does he feel good.

> **derrick:** D! 
> 
> **d** : hey lil bro

the tone is warm and so’s the grin. then he blinks.

> **d** : whats with the..?

he points at the flannel.

> **derrick:** Nosebleed.
> 
> **derrick:** It's fine it'll stop... eventually?
> 
> **d** : yeah alright

he shrugs it off because it’s just a nosebleed, right?

> **d** : never mind that now
> 
> **d** : gimme a hug

derrick steps forward and just wraps the non-bloodied arm around d in a hug. fuck. d's actually here. shit.

> **derrick:** You actually came.

d hugs back, arms tight around derrick and, jesus. it really has been way too fucking long.

> **d** : told you i would didnt i?

derrick blinks. he's so fucking relieved. and also a little terrified because now he actually has to go through with the whole rehab thing.

> **derrick:** Fuck, uh.
> 
> **derrick:** You should come in and. Uh.

he steps back after a moment. turns to dave, waves a small hand.

> **derrick:** This is Dave.

he's not going to force the introductions because he doesn't know how to have that conversation, really.

> **d** : hey

he crouches down to dave’s height because he’s really fucking tall and dave is a fairly short kid.

> **d** : im d
> 
> **dave:** thats not a name
> 
> **d** : sure it is
> 
> **d** : its my name

derrick lifts his head a bit to pinch his nose, no longer feeling like it's bleeding so much anymore. fucking sweet.

> **derrick:** D's my twin.

he turns slightly before he can see dave's reaction to that.

> **derrick:** I think Dirk's here somewhere. Unless he went out...

and there's nervous tension there now, because dirk hates him. righteously so. self-hatred. guilt. fuck. he's too sober for thoughts of guilt. d gets back to his feet and dave just. stares up at him trying to process the height and the whole having another brother thing. which is. fucking wild.

> **d** : you alright kiddo?
> 
> **dave:** uh yeah

he sort of. makes a run to the living room. for dirk. dirk is asleep on the couch. derrick glances at d, shrugs.

> **derrick:** Uh. I redid your room so dave could have it a few years ago so either you can take the couch or take mine.

his voice falls into awkwardness.

> **derrick:** I mean, it's not like I'll be here for a while so...
> 
> **d** : maybe we can put in bunk beds
> 
> **d** : like the old days

he grins and gently punches derrick in the shoulder. over on the couch, dave is wide-eyed. he’s never seen anyone talk to bro like this before. he shakes dirk.

> **derrick:** Yeah. Sounds good.
> 
> **derrick:** As long as I get the bottom bunk.

his face has the slightest smile. still pretty difficult to spot, but it's the way derrick smiles. subtle. mostly blank and unreadable.

> **dirk** : Wha—?

he blinks awake, half awake. god waking up sucks.

> **d** : youre gonna try and make my gangly ass climb to the top bunk and fall off in the middle of the night?

he’s grinning, the opposite of derrick’s little smile.

> **dave:** this is weird right?

he’s keeping his voice down, not wanting to interrupt. derrick looks at d.

> **derrick:** That's pretty much it.

dirk blinks up at dave, before pushing up, looking at d and derrick interacting.

> **dirk:** Oh right.
> 
> **dirk:** I dunno. It's a little weird seeing Bro act like an actual person.

he still sounds pissed. because he is.

> **d** : dirk

here’s the meeting that d’s really nervous about because dirk would’ve been old enough to remember both ‘mom’ and d when he eventually left them with derrick. dirk looks at d, scowling a little still.

> **dirk:** Great.
> 
> **dirk:** We get an asshole brother and now we get the one who _abandoned_ us too.
> 
> **d** : brother..?

he looks at derrick, confused. what in the actual fuck is dirk talking about? derrick does his equivalent of 'oh shit' and wincing.

> **derrick:** I know how to be a brother but not how to be...

an uncle. so thus, he decided to be their brother he doesn't really know what's so bad about that, it's fine. right?

> **d** : yeah alright

he keeps his tone soft, non-judgemental.

> **d** : that works for now

he looks to dirk, rubs the back of his neck nervously.

> **d** : i deserve that
> 
> **d** : ive been... gone way too long

but d’s life is sort of a disaster and he needed it. he could still use more time, honestly. but they need him right now so he’ll suck it up and deal.

> **dirk:** Yeah, you fucking do.
> 
> **dirk:** You deserve it and Bro deserves it.

he narrows his eyes.

> **dirk:** You know the only person who doesn’t deserve any of this? Dave. But how would you know, right?
> 
> **dirk** : You fucked off for over a decade!
> 
> **dave:** dirk dont
> 
> **d** : no hes right i did fuck off
> 
> **d** : havent actually seen you since both our names were diifferent and i was... more of a mess

he grimaces. derrick’s just looking awkward off the side.

> **dirk** : You left us with him and he hurt Dave.

he nods his head at derrick.

> **dirk:** You shouldn’t have left.
> 
> **dirk:** Maybe you could’ve seen.
> 
> **dirk:** Maybe then we wouldn’t have a fucking addict for a guardian. And Dave wouldn’t be walking around with bruises.
> 
> **dave:** dirk im fine

dirk glowers. but he softens slightly at dave’s voice, only a little. then, he turns, looking at derrick, catching the bloody flannel.

> **dirk:** What the fuck’s with all the blood.
> 
> **derrick:** Nosebleed.

dirk’s eyes narrow and then, frustration.

> **dirk:** Really? Fucking really.
> 
> **dirk:** Its not even noon and you’re high?

because why else would he be having nosebleeds? that’s the most likely explanation now that he knows.

> **d** : drugs?

he doesn’t sound angry. disappointed maybe. this is worse than he expected. his brother is an addict, one of his kids is traumatized and the other is pissed off at him. he needs reaux. he’s _terrible_ in a crisis. this is. fuck. derrick flinches back from the disappointment.

> **derrick:** ...
> 
> **derrick:** I... shit...

he glances away from them all.

> **derrick:** ...Sorry.
> 
> **d** : no its

it isn’t fine but. he can handle it.

> **d** : ok
> 
> **d** : how about instead of playing the blame game we actually fix some of this shit

he sits in the armchair closest to dave.

> **d** : we can sort out whose fault what is later
> 
> **d** : that cool?

derrick naturally moves to get closer to his brother, ends up just leaning against the armchair, leaned back. nods.

> **derrick:** Yeah.
> 
> **dirk:** Alright.

he pauses.

> **dirk:** ...Bro gets sober or he can get out though, that’s my requirement with all this.
> 
> **d** : yeah thats my first concern

he turns to derrick.

> **d** : did you find a place?

derrick pauses.

> **derrick:** I looked at a lot of them but I didn’t... narrow it down to anything.

because as soon as he’d started to think of actually going through with it, it’s made him angry and terrified and so fucking guilty.

> **derrick:** I’ve got them upstairs on my laptop.
> 
> der **r** ick: I don’t know which one to choose.

his distress pulls on his voice, anxiety at actually going through with it. perhaps he should just tell d to take the kids and not do this...

> **d** : its ok

he reaches over and runs his hand thru derrick’s hair, thoughtlessly reviving a decades old habit.

> **d** : you wanna go get your laptop?
> 
> **d** : show me?

derrick pauses, considers for a moment before nodding.

> **derrick:** Okay.

he wants to just stay here for a moment though. a little longer with his sis— _brother_ just comforting him.

> **d** : im not goin anywhere lil bro
> 
> **d** : ill be right here

he assumes that’s why derrick is hesitating. derrick nods.

> **derrick:** Yeah. Okay.

he gets up, heads to the stairs.

> **derrick:** Gimme a minute.
> 
> **d** : second issue is you

he points at dirk.

> **d** : are you going to school out of town?

dirk blinks for a moment.

> **dirk:** ...I was but I’m moving back.
> 
> **dirk:** Transferring.

he says it as if daring d to tell him no.

> **d** : good
> 
> **d** : id rather you stay close for now 
> 
> **d** : for daves sake

dirk looks a little confused by having someone actually backing him.

> **dirk:** Yeah..

he’s squinting behind his shades, confused.

> **d** : and then you 

he turns to dave, who instinctively leans back into dirk, not sure what d wants from him. dirk lifts a hand to dave’s shoulder, comforting.

> **d** : are you looking to do hrt?

dave blinks, looks back at dirk, sort of to ask if it’s all right to answer d, who is a stranger to him. the whole situation is weird and dave needs the confirmation. dirk looks at dave, pauses. nods. if dave wants to answer then he should. dave nods at d.

> **d** : we should start looking into that sooner rather than later because the prelims a bitch
> 
> **d** : and id like to get you started on it as soon as we can
> 
> **d** : if thats alright with you

dave’s eyes widen. he thinks he might be dreaming. dirk looks at d, suspicious but... he’s not going to stop him from talking about this stuff. if he pulls out of helping then dirk will just get a job and pay for it himself.

> **d** : have to look into the hospitals around here
> 
> **d** : i dont know if the doc i saw is still practicing but ill find her if i can she was pretty awesome

derrick comes back down the stairs, laptop tucked under his arm, face and hand washed clean of blood. heads back to in front of d, sitting in front of the armchair again.

> **d** : she was sort of getting on in years
> 
> **d** : so i doubt it
> 
> **d** : but its worth a shot

he reaches forward to ruffle derrick’s hair briefly.

> **d** : anything else until we can get that sorted?

dave hesitates, then shakes his head. dirk nods.

> **dirk:** Dave’s name.
> 
> **dirk:** He deserves to have it legally changed.
> 
> **dave:** dirk

he doesn’t want to push too much right now, this is already... a lot, but d just nods and takes it in stride.

> **d** : done
> 
> **d** : we can do that tomorrow

derrick blinks, surprised. it’s that easy to change a name? he thought they had to be eighteen, that’s how old their dad told d he had to be to change his if he wanted to. mainly because their dad refused to let him change his name but...

> **derrick:** Oh.

he’s not being argumentative but for the kids it might seem like he’s got an issue, because they can’t read him.

> **dirk:** Is there a problem _Bro?_

derrick looks at him a little like a deer in headlights.

> **derrick:** Uh—
> 
> **d** : calm down dirk

his hand gravitates back towards derrick.

> **d** : yeah
> 
> **d** : shits changed since i transitioned
> 
> **d** : its easier now
> 
> **d** : thank _fuck_

getting his own name changed was a nightmare.

> **dave:** youre... like me?
> 
> **d** : trans?
> 
> **d** : yeah

derrick pauses, closes his eyes because complicated feelings. but dave seems so happy talking about this, being promised changes, he doesn’t wanna say anything that might ruin that. it’s different to how d had been. and that’s... confusing.

> **d** : we can do all that tomorrow
> 
> **d** : for now
> 
> **d** : let me see?

he points to derrick’s laptop. derrick opens his eyes again to spot d pointing.

> **derrick:** ...Okay.

he opens his laptop up, passes it to d, so he can look through the open tabs on the rehab centres. d looks at them, dismisses a few out of hand because they’re far away or seem sort of sketchy, then another few for the odd mission statements. he finally ends with two options he feels are pretty good.

> **d** : one of these maybe?

derrick lifts slightly to see which ones d has picked. looks at them again, nervously. there’s one that specialises more so in rehabilitation of both drugs and alcohol, with more experience in those with multiple addictions rather than just one or the other.

> **derrick:** That one.

derrick pauses, lowers down again so he doesn’t have to keep looking at the screen, vaguely terrified.

> **d** : ok

he takes a picture of the address. gets to his feet.

> **d** : cmon then

his voice is soft, patient, as he looks at derrick. derrick blinks.

> **derrick:** What, now?
> 
> **d** : is there a reason to wait?

yes. no. derrick doesn't know. he's just terrified. he thought he'd have more time, or be able to think it through more but...

> **derrick:** I—
> 
> **derrick:** But you just got here.

he wants his brother for a while before he checks in. he... fuck. he doesn't know what he wants. he needs to do this, right? but it's just so much, too much, too soon. he only made the decision hours ago.

> **d** : i know but
> 
> **d** : sooner this is done the sooner you come home
> 
> **d** : ok?

derrick hesitates again.

> **derrick:** You'll still be here...? When I get back?
> 
> **d** : told you im not going anywhere didnt i?
> 
> **d** : not for a while

that's calming to hear at least. derrick nods. he looks at dave for a moment and dirk. he wants to be... better. for them. fuck.

> **derrick:** Okay...
> 
> **derrick:** Lets get this over with.
> 
> **d** : lets go

he offers derrick his hand to get up. derrick takes it, stands. glances at the kids again. he doesn't really know what to say...?

> **d** : be back in a bit kiddos

he heads to the door. dave looks up at bro and hesitates for a long second before getting up and hugging him. derrick's slow to respond but he hugs dave back.

> **derrick:** I'm sorry Dave...
> 
> **derrick:** Be... good for D, alright?
> 
> **dave:** come back soon

he steps away, going back to dirk. dirk has nothing to say to bro so he doesn't.

> **derrick:** Okay...

he turns back to d, steels himself a bit, nodding.

> **derrick:** Okay lets... go.
> 
> **d** : mind if i drive your truck?
> 
> **d** : didnt exactly bring my bike with me

derrick pauses, turns to dirk. because he doesn't drive anymore, was pretty smart to realise that drinking and driving would only leave him dead, he'd given it to dirk to drive.

> **dirk:** If it gets rid of him sure.

he pulls the keys from his pocket and throws them over. d catches it easily in one hand and heads out the door.

> **d** : thanks
> 
> **d** : be back in a bit

derrick follows him out after a short mumbled 'bye'.


End file.
